Posted in baby loss, grief, motherhood, Pregnancy, pregnancy after loss

I did it!

Well I made it through the entire weekend without any hiccups. To some this is a very small victory but for me this has been weighing on my mind for a while now.

If anyone read my last post, you already know that Jason was born just 2 days after starting my maternity leave. The first weekend where I should have been relaxing and getting ready to bring my baby in to the world. I didn’t have that time.

This weekend i’ve felt more anxious than ever but I was determined not to let my anxieties get the better of me. I made plans for Sunday, me and hubby went out to lunch with my in-laws and hubby’s Nan. It was a lovely meal and I didn’t want anything to spoil it so I pushed all my worries to the side and found that I actually enjoyed spending time away from the house and away from all the concerns about the weekend.

I have constantly been feeling for any signs of movement from bump, trying to remember anything that could mean I was in premature labour again and thankfully I felt nothing. No niggles, just tiny little wriggly feet inside me moving away. For the first time in weeks I have spent today enjoying being pregnant and savouring every single movement. I’ve made it to 32 weeks and although the next 3 weeks are going to be hell I feel positive that Bean is comfortable and not planning the great escape in there.

I’ve been reminding myself of just how different this pregnancy is and how much of a difference that could make on the end result. I’m also reminded of so many new friends who have known loss and now carry their rainbows in their arms and this proves that my pregnancy can be different. I’m not a bad person and I feel like whatever I did to have given someone the need to take my son away has been repaid and my little girl will come home.

Please keep me and bump in your thoughts through the next few weeks. They aren’t going to be easy but I’m going to give it all my strength to make sure she stays healthy and well. I’m booked in for a scan on Wednesday to see the little ass-kicker ❤ Will keep you all informed.

A x


Wife & Mum of 2; Jason born and died 29/03/15 and Ellie born 01/11/16. Hoping to break the silence around baby loss and the journey of parenting a rainbow baby one blog post at a time.

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