Posted in baby loss awareness, grief, life after loss, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, rainbow baby, telford, Uncategorized


My nearly one year old has been so clingy this week, she hasnt been playing as often as usual and doesnt know whether she wants cuddles or putting back on the floor. She has been wingey and her naps have been awful.

I had assumed she was grumpy because her naps have been so erratic. She would sleep at my mums for about half hour to an hour in a morning but refusing to sleep in an afternoon or finally giving in around half 4 which meant bedtimes had been out of routine too.

I had also assumed that she was sensing something wasn’t right and she could just tell that Mummy needed cuddles more than usual.

Yesterday my mum told me Ellie had 2 more teeth that have cut through, that is 6 teeth in total already before she is even 1! One at each side on her top gums near the back and the obviously 4 front teeth that have caused her so much uncomfort. I feel so sorry for her as toothache is painful enough but I feel even worse that I hadnt noticed myself. I have been focusing so much on me, Hubby and Jason and trying to deal with our grief that I hadnt noticed my baby was cutting 2 more very sharp teeth.

I know Ellie has needed a lot of attention and of cause I have given her all the attention I could but I feel like part of me has been elsewhere and she has missed out.

This afternoon I knew we needed some Mummy Daughter time. I picked her up after work and went straight home, no jobs or shopping for a change. I changed her sheets in the hope she would have a much needed nap and then we played. I was a climbing frame, a see saw and a trampoline. We crawled around the living room giggling and had so much fun. Ellie napped in her cot for nearly 2 hours because we played and then when she woke up we cuddled on my bed while she slept a little longer. It has been a wonderful afternoon and she has shown me that there can be a little ray of light during the hard days. She is my sunshine and I am forever grateful that I am allowed to make these memories with her.

On a side note: Teething sucks, Ellie has bitten through everything she physically can including my fingers when I am caught off guard 😂


Wife & Mum of 2; Jason born and died 29/03/15 and Ellie born 01/11/16. Hoping to break the silence around baby loss and the journey of parenting a rainbow baby one blog post at a time.

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