grief · life after loss · motherhood · mothering a rainbow · mummy blog · parenting · parenting after loss · rainbow baby · telford · Uncategorized

First birthday

And just like that my second child is ONE! I’m not sure where the last year has gone to be honest with you. The past week has been even more hectic than usual and im finally starting to find my feet again and catch up on everything. I had planned to have written three blog posts however none of them have actually happened. So here is how we celebrated our rainbow turning 1.

On Saturday we hosted a birthday party. I had spent months planning it and buying things. We were lucky enough to have found a venue that was free as money is quite tight which suited us fine. We arrived at the venue to find it wasnt actually a function room just the end of a pub which made me feel so disappointed. I expected a huge room with space to put a ball pit for the babies/toddlers and space to run around for the older kids. We had invited around 60 people, 10 of them being kids or babies and I knew we would definitely not going to be blowing up the castle ball pit as there would be nowhere to put it.

I had bought photo bunting off eBay and felt so much pride for showing off pictures of Ellie throughout the year.

I also had the idea (off Pinterest) to have a time capsule for the guests to write a card for Ellie with either words of wisdom, predictions of who she will be or just a general message and we have sealed it and put it in our memory box to open on the day she turns 18. I absolute love the idea that she can have something from her 1st birthday when she is older.

Her party was a huge success, everyone came and Ellie was so good. I assumed she would hate the attention and having lots of people around but she actually loved it. As stressful and exhausting her party was I am so happy we did it and we celebrated with all the people who are in Ellies life. It felt strange organising a birthday party when I couldn’t do it for Jason. I felt as if I was betraying him. I know I must focus on Ellie and she needs all of me but the mum guilt will never go away.

On Wednesday it was the big day. My baby was 1. Unfortunately I was working so we opened her presents on Sunday so it wasnt a huge rush. I hated working but being a teaching assistant means i cant have odd days off.

We made the most of it as me and hubby took her to a local soft play area and she loved it. I could not recommend Pirates & Princesses in Halesfield, Telford enough! Ellie made full use of the sensory room and the under 2s area. We also had a dairy-free cake made so that Ellie could enjoy her birthday. My parents had the idea that Ellies first birthday cake would be made by the same person who made mine and hubbys wedding cake nearly 4 yenear ago. We waited and let Ellie loose on her cake at home. She certainly enjoyed the cake but managed to throw up on the cake board, narrowingly missing the cake by an inch!!

I still find it hard to believe that Ellie is ours and she is here, sometimes I feel like I am just babysitting and I will have to give her back. I still struggle to believe she is here to stay. Experiencing Jasons death has opened my eyes to so much, I am so aware that it is not only babies who die, children do too and I am never going to take for granted the time I do have her, weather its days, months or hopefully as long as I live I want the time I spend with her to be full of love and happiness.

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