Posted in Uncategorized

Who says babies have to sleep through the night?

I do!!

I feel like by 8pm I am usually either half asleep or wrapped up in bed fully asleep lately. If I don’t get to bed early I just know Ellie will wake up not long after I have fallen asleep and then I will be even more cranky.

Routine wise nothing has changed, Ellie still goes down at 7pm with a warm bottle (naughty mama I know!) and she stays asleep usually for a couple of hours but recently she has been waking randomly after an hour or two. She then wakes at least twice in the night and we have tried for weeks now to settle her back in her cot but when both parents work it is so difficult to last through the crying and constant getting up that we end up cosleeping with her. 

I have never been a fan of cosleeping and after losing Jason I swore I wouldn’t do anything with our rainbow that would put her in harm. It is a different situation when you are exhausted and sleep deprived and we have coslept with her pretty much from birth on and off. Ellie usually settles quickly in our bed so for us it makes more sense. I don’t know whether she has awful separation anxiety at night or whether she is just a bad sleeper by since she turned one she has stopped sleeping through and waking up more than I can cope with.

Having a toddler who barely sleeps can really affect you. I feel my mental health is knocked due to sleep deprivation and I get annoyed quicker than usual. I can handle it in the day, my body knows it has to be awake and get things done however I shut down at night and find parenting so much harder. 

To make matters worse, I can’t ask anyone to look after Ellie overnight so I can catch up on sleep. Maybe its grief or just me being awkward but the idea of waking up without her here gives me anxiety without it even happening so that isn’t going to happen either. 

The new cot projector we got isn’t great either, it has the cry sensor technology which I fab and when Ellie cries the night light turns on but there is no sound and I feel like sound would help her self-soothe in the night. 

I feel like we are back at the newborn stage but this time I am getting bruises from my overactive toddler in between mama and daddy.

#imisssleep but I do loves her lots ❤


Wife & Mum of 2; Jason born and died 29/03/15 and Ellie born 01/11/16. Hoping to break the silence around baby loss and the journey of parenting a rainbow baby one blog post at a time.

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