27

February 13th 2018. I turned 27 today. 

Birthdays are a funny thing, you grow up loving them and then you get to a certain age and decide you won’t grow older, you’ll stop counting the years and start going backwards. That’s how most people see their birthday, they start to panic that their youth has gone and have a midlife crisis. 

Age doesn’t matter to me, I have always thought of myself as the same age as hubby (who will be 30 in two weeks time) so I feel like I’m 30 too. I’m not bothered about getting older at all, age is just a number and I think I’m old before my time anyway 😂. 

I have hated birthdays since Jason died, not only am I getting older but it’s also another celebration without him, another year of my life I’ve lived without him and it sucks! When you go through the death of your own child your life becomes “before” and “after” and the after pretty much sucks. You learn to keep going and you learn that celebrations must be celebrated regardless of whether you want to or not and today has been one of those situations. 

Today has been nice, work was good, Ellie has been good (is no tantrums) and it is Pancake Day which meant I got to eat pancakes and cake for tea which is always good in my books. This year has been special as Ellie helped me open my cards and then tried to rip them ha! This year was made even more special by the presents hubby got me. The actual presents don’t matter, a cookbook off Ellie, a bottle of prosecco, some jelly tots And a ps4 game, which was more than I deserved however it was the small bundle of daffodils “off him” which meant the most to me. Hubby has never been able to include Jason in presents or cards, not because he hasn’t wanted to but because it too painful. The gesture of a present from Jason shows a huge step for us as a family. 

This year wasn’t so bad, I know how lucky I am to have my family and I can survive. 

We are all warriors fighting our own battles. Even the smallest is a victory ❤