Alone with my thoughts.

I decided to sit in the car tonight while hubby had his counselling session because its another beautiful day and a chance to sit alone with my thoughts.

Hope house held a memorial today for babies gone too soon and it saddens me that I couldn’t make it due to work and also that I am sat watching so many other parents leaving knowing they too are missing a child, sibling, grandchild.
I wish I could stop it, I wish nobody else could feel the pain of living without your own child. I wish I knew of a way to bring them all back.

I received the letter inviting us to come and remember getting excited that Jason was being remembered and included. My worst fear is that he will be forgotten. There was an option to have him remembered if I couldn’t make the memorial however Id lost the letter and didnt think about it until hubby said his counsellor had text to forewarn him it might be busy.

I kinda feel crushed, as if my worst fear had come true because i had forgotten to include him. I wish I could do everything that links to him in some way but it is physically not possible I get that but it doesn’t make it any easier on my heart. I won’t ever be known as Jason’s mummy to the outside world. Teachers wont ask to speak to Jasons Mummy at school and I won’t get any cards or drawings to Mummy from Jason either. Whenever I speak of him I can see the sadness in the other persons eyes. I long to tell new people about him and about how loved he is.

While I sat pondering all of this and how valuable these days can be to bereaved parents I sat watching a little family of rabbits hopping about. It really is so peaceful there.