Aching Arms · baby loss · baby loss awareness · grief · Jason · life after loss · motherhood · Mum Blogger · mummy blog · Neonatal Loss · parenting after loss · stillbirth

Primary School Offer Day

In an ideal world I’d have been one of those nervous parents waiting to find out what school my boy had gotten in to. In an ideal world he’d have been accepted to the primary school where I work! In an ideal world I’d already have his uniform, or parts of it in preparation and be excitedly making him try it on for pictures. In an ideal world we probably would have had to put Jason in to the special needs school because that is where he’d have the support he needed. In a less ideal world we’d have to settle or appeal the decision.

I would give so much to be able to take that less ideal world. To be one of those excired/nervous parents dying to know.

Things like this shouldn’t cause me grief, I probably wouldn’t even acknowledge it if I didn’t work in a school however when September comes and I see all those parents and little reception newbies on their first day I know it should be me there too. I will see their anxiousness and wonder whether I’d have felt the same or whether we would both be ready for him to start school. I feel like Ellie is ready to start nursery so I know she will be fine but I will never know what Jason would have been like.

My life with him seems further and further away with every milestone that we don’t hit together. I’ve missed his first words, first steps, first hug, first smile and now ill be missing his first day at school too.

Of cause I miss him constantly and the ache I have to have both of my children here is never ending but sometimes days are harder to deal with than others and there are some days where you just can’t help but think how fucking cruel the world is.

4 thoughts on “Primary School Offer Day

  1. Hugs, I’m a teacher also, I was supposed to teach K the year my son should have entered, i dreaded it, I was so happy to switch to first grade. Then when he should have entered first it actually didn’t sting as much as I thought it would. I know you mentioned it previously that the build up to these sorts of things are sometimes worse than the actual day. Hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m so glad you were able to move to the next year, I am hoping in not put in that year September but it’s always a possibility. Sending lots of love to you

      Like

  2. My heart goes out to you. I can try to imagine the feelings you are dealing with as I comfort my niece who has experienced a similar tragedy in her young life. But I can only try. I hope you do find peace, joy and comfort as your daughter reaches her precious milestones.
    Joan Senio
    My Best Friend Adeline
    https://kindness-compassion-and-coaching.com

    Like

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