On Monday afternoon Ellie and I took a huge bundle of books down to our local hospital and met with our lovely bereavement midwife Jan. It’s the first time I’ve been in that part of the hospital since Ellie was born so I’ve been feeling quite anxious about going. It’s been a few months since I’d spent all the money people had donated and I knew I needed to get the books down to the bereavement suite as soon as possible. I knew that it was something I needed to do but the thought of meeting back with Jan (who I haven’t actually seen since the first few weeks after Jason died) made my anxiety worse and I just couldn’t find the strength to make that appointment.
Jan is lovely and remembers so much about us and Jason and it felt good to talk to someone else about what life after loss feels like.
The hardest part was walking in to “Quiet Room 7”. This is where we had our post mortem results, I sat in the same seat I had sat in 4 years ago talking about my perfect little man who was actually really very poorly. It broke my heart all over again walking in there with Ellie but I did it. I did it because Jason’s life deserves to be celebrated and he deserves to be remembered.
Once again thank you to EVERYONE who donated towards this, these books are going to support so many others suffering a bereavement ❤️