Posted in baby loss, baby loss awareness, Christmas, grief, life after loss, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, Mum Blogger, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, rainbow baby


December has been a busy month and I decided at the beginning of the month that I wouldn’t blog but focus on family, work and life in general as December is always so busy.

December meant the start of this year’s #AdventForJason which has helped create so many memories and given me something to focus on. When Jess (The Legacy Of Leo) set up #Adventtoremember I knew it would grow and that it would be a way of making our own babies legacy known over the Christmas period. For me Christmas has never been hard, as I know it is for so many parents in the loss community, however I do find my desire to make the world remember Jason is heightened over any celebration like Christmas and Advent To Remember certainly helps me fulfil that need.

This December has seen us make lots of memories as a family; visits to see Santa, random acts of kindness in Jason’s memory, donations to different charities and a special Polar Express ride.

This December also gave us illness, with all 3 of us feeling so bad that we didn’t even have Christmas dinner! I pigged out on sausage rolls while Luke and Ellie barely ate anything, we spent Christmas day in our pyjamas resting and just feeling crap. It certainly wasn’t the perfect Christmas I had hoped for but actually it was nice just being the 3 of us and not worrying about having to be sociable or even dressed!

December was as busy as I had anticipated but the memories we made have been worth the rushing around (I was still buying gifts on 23rd December!!)

I know Christmas is a difficult time for most and I really hope it was as gentle as it needed to be for those who do find it a tough time for whatever reason.

Posted in Christmas, days out, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, mummy blog, parenting, telford

The Polar Express

A little bit late but I have been meaning to do a write up/review of our ride on The Polar Express.

On 6th December we arrived at The Telford Steam Railway, we live minutes away and walk around it quite often. The railway had been decorated outside, chalets selling food and drink and a marquee with entertainment all awaited our arrival. Armed with our golden tickets we waited along the platform for the train to arrive. 

I have to admit I was dubious as to how much Ellie would get out of it but as my mother in law treated us to the tickets and I had been so excited I just hoped she would enjoy it. 

We boarded the train and found our seats, the volunteers were extremely helpful throughout the entire event. We shared a table with another family as Ellies ticket was on our lap. I was pleasantly surprised at how much the volunteers included Ellie in the event. 

While sat on the Polar Express we were treated to actors/actresses acting out parts of the film, the story was read over a tannoy and people stood with the books showing the story to everyone too. We had hot chocolate and a warm cookie just like the film and as I’ve said before, Ellie was also thought of and a warm cookie was left for her too. I wasn’t expecting a child on lap to be included and was expecting to share my cookie so I was super excited for her to have her own!! I will also say that while booking there was the option to let them know of any allergies and they tried their best to accomodate but as I wasn’t expecting Ellie to be given a cookie I didn’t think to state her CMPI. 

The most exciting part for me was the thought of Ellie meeting Santa for the first time and the Santa was amazing! He spent as much time with children as was needed and posed for as many pictures as he could. Ellie on the other hand wasn’t impressed and hid from him so I didn’t get my perfect Santa picture I desired but she didn’t cry which was pretty good for her. 

I was slightly disappointed with the fact that we didn’t get off to meet Santa as I had imagined (like on the film) BUT in hindsight the way it was done was far better as it was dark, cold and looked like it might rain. Santa gave all the children the first gift of Christmas which will spend every year on our Christmas tree 💝

There was also a gift shop with Polar Express merchandise and I was able to buy Ellie the story which I have dated for when she is older. 

For anyone who doesn’t know, The Telford Steam Railway is run by volunteers who especially during this event were there 24/7 making sure nothing could go wrong after some vandalism in the summer they were even more dedicated to making The Polar Express a success. 

If anyone is wanting to know more or perhaps pay them a visit when they are open I will put the links to their pages below.

Telford Steam Railway – Main Website


Posted in baby loss, baby loss awareness, Christmas, grief, life after loss, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, rainbow baby, telford

Merry Christmas 🎅

First of all I hope everyone reading has had a wonderful Christmas, whatever your situation may be I hope it WS kind to you. 

I found this Christmas wasn’t at all as I was expecting it to be. I spent most of Christmas feeling quite emotional, crying a few times. It would seem that Ellie getting older only makes me want Jason here more. 

This year was Ellie’s second Christmas but it also should have been Jason’s third and this year it became more obvious to me at how different it all should be.

I admit this probably makes no sense whatsoever as I am tired and still getting used to the tablet hubby got me for Christmas and I am hoping I’ll get a few posts that I’ve written up in my head published at some point soon 💝

Posted in baby loss, baby loss awareness, Christmas, grief, life after loss, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, rainbow baby, telford, Uncategorized


What a whirlwind December has been. So much has been going on that I haven’t been able to find the time to sit down and blog and I so badly wanted to keep up to date with #AdventForJason on here as well as on Instagram. Unfortunately life has got in the way but I promise I will do a big write up about #adventtoremember as soon as I am able to.

It also doesnt help that the app takes up room on my phone and wont update as I have no room left. I really hope “Santa” has listened to my plea for a tablet this year.

Continue reading “December.”

Posted in baby loss, baby loss awareness, Christmas, grief, life after loss, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, rainbow baby, telford, Uncategorized

Advent For Jason ❤

I have mentioned before that I am taking part in #AdventToRemember set up by the lovely Jess from The Legacy Of Leo in memory of Jason. Jess and her partner Nat used this approach last year on their first Christmas without their Son Leo and decided to invite others to take part with them this year too.

I absolutely love Christmas, the build up and the day however I would be lying if I said I didnt find some aspects of Christmas difficult since Jason died. There is a part of me who wants to boycott it, I dont want to celebrate anything if Jason can’t be with me however my natural instinct is to enjoy it as much as I can especially now Ellie is here.

This year I felt like I wanted to do something special for Jason and that is exactly what I am doing in taking part in #AdventToRemember.

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1st December: Donate a Bear to Aching Arms

For anyone who knows me know how much my Aching Arms Lily bear means to me. I received this bear at a time where I couldnt deal with my emotions, I couldnt hold my baby but I cried for him every day. My bear gave me something to hold in my darker days and even now a squeeze of Lily bear makes me feel like in some way I am hugging Jason and showing him his mummy will always love me. To some I probably sound like Ive lost my marbles and I probably has but my bear brings me comfort. Since losing Jason I have donated a few bears in his name and memory whenever money has allowed but I make it a special tradition to donate at christmas time. I like to hope that my Jason bears are bringing another family as much hope as my bear brings me.

Today, for the first time I took Lily Bear off my bedside table and gave her to Ellie. She gave it a little cuddle (before tossing it aside) and I feel like she knew what this special bear represents.

For anyone who would like to donate or find out about The Legacy Of Leo or Aching Arms please see my list of Inspirational Blogs page.

I am hoping to blog each day about my Advent For Jason but if not I will catch up as much as I can. For anyone who wants to follow mine or anyone else’s Advent To Remember please check out my instagram page or the hashtag #adventtoremember #adventforjason