Posted in 2 years old, baby loss, Health Review, health visitor, life after loss, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, Mum Blogger, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, rainbow baby, telford

Health Review

This morning we took Ellie for her 2 year health review at the local baby clinic, ever since she’s been born I have had awful feelings about health visitors.

When Ellie was first born we saw 4 different health visitors in the first week, none of them knew our background and I felt myself explaining Jason’s death over and over again and as any bereaved parent would tell you it is so hard when you bring your rainbow baby home finally that reliving those moments for strangers is too much. I must say the majority were sympathetic, offered support etc but one HV really got to me and even with knowing our story I still felt as though Ellie was going to die too as they were so rude and abrupt, I remember sobbing over the fact that she was jaundiced slightly and that HV had convinced me death was inevitable.

You could say since then I have felt very wary and apprehensive whenever health visitors are mentioned.

Ellie’s 2 year review went well, the health visitor was lovely and although again she didn’t know Jason’s story I chose not to tell her as I didn’t want it to become a battle of whether we needed more support or not. Ellie was great and stood proudly to be measured and weighed, we talked through her development which isn’t a concern at all however she did focus on Ellie not being able to jump yet… She does jump but isn’t confident taking her feet off the ground, I know this will come with time and that she doesn’t take steps one foot on each step but again she is quite small for her age and the steps seem pretty big in comparison.

I’m afraid that she is going to end up short and dumpy like her mama 😂 Ellie is on the 75th centile line for her weight and is a healthy 2stone now however her height is only on the 25th centile line. I never expect her to be tall, myself and her Daddy are only just 5ft and a half really so genetically she will need help getting things off the top shelf lol.

I felt myself fighting over our bedtime routine, mainly because I know what we do currently works to a certain degree, Ellie has a bath, watches In The Night Garden and cbeebies Bedtime Story (or The Simpsons), we read a couple of stories and then we sit in her room and wait for her to fall asleep. It’s not ideal at all but it works. She still doesn’t sleep through the night but has stopped waking up crying she knows she can come in to us and she settles instantly. I never wanted to co-sleep, I know the risks and the debate that goes on and I am still very against the idea however you do what you can to ensure you get sleep and Ellie simply misses us and wants cuddles in the night, it is a natural instinct as a parent to hold your children close; even more so when you had to leave one of your children in a hospital and watch as they lay in a wooden box unable to hold, unable to see or hear them cry. I believe if things were different I would be a different kind of parent but seeing as this is the life I’ve been dealt I will never give up a chance to hold Ellie and soothe her when she needs me.

I am proud of my girl and the milestones she has achieved already, I love watching her grow and develop, I love her personality and her independence even if that does mean she is stubborn and has a temper to match her fiery hair. She is my reason for breathing, she saved me in ways she will never know and she is perfect.

Whether she can jump or not!