In an ideal world I'd have been one of those nervous parents waiting to find out what school my boy had gotten in to. In an ideal world he'd have been accepted to the primary school where I work! In an ideal world I'd already have his uniform, or parts of it in preparation and… Continue reading Primary School Offer Day
Category: Neonatal Loss
Always One Missing
Wow, as always, the final few days of March were horrendous. I have said for a while now that for me, the build up to an anniversary is always harder than the day. This has been the case for all of Jason's birthdays. I find the days leading to his birth/death hit me far harder… Continue reading Always One Missing
27th March
I can't help but wonder whether that day was when everything started going wrong. Illness had struck, I worked in a nursery at the time and the sickness bug had hit the kids. The day I was due to finish for my maternity I ended up having off as I was being sick and I… Continue reading 27th March
Weekends
This weekend has been a tough one. The one before Jason's birthday. The one where we were meant to make some family memories. The one where Ellie had the most epic tantrum of all time. The one where Mummy cried far more than I would like to admit. The one where it all went tits… Continue reading Weekends
Being A Mummy
I have been a mummy for 3 years, 11 months and 15 days and I am learning something new every day.
Goodbye February
Goodbye February, this month has been a mixed month. I started off feeling very low and depressed and finished the month off feeling grateful and full of love. As a family we have made so many memories and spent a whole week together having lots of fun. With the end of February comes March, a… Continue reading Goodbye February
Positive Failure
A while back I shared the struggle I was having with myself. My mental health was taking a right beating and I was finding it hard getting it back to a healthy balance. It took a while and a complete breakdown for me to realise that I wasn't failing. I have spent days, weeks, months… Continue reading Positive Failure
Breakdown
Do you ever feel like the world is spinning so fast and you start to feel so dizzy and there's no way of slowly it down? As much as I am putting in to life and being present, my own mental health is taking a huge bashing. I am constantly worried about everyone else, about… Continue reading Breakdown
Gone Too Soon
Not a day goes by That I don't think of youI'm always asking why This crazy world had to loseSuch a ray of light we never knowGone too soon Whenever I use the laptop to do some blogging I always find myself listening to the same songs. Sad songs. Ones that make me think about… Continue reading Gone Too Soon
Dear Jason
Jason Phillips π You are in my thoughts every hour of every day. I wish I remembered what it felt like holding you, I wish I remembered what you smelt like. I wish I knew what colour eyes you had or whether you had any birth marks. I wish I had taken more pictures, I… Continue reading Dear Jason
