Posted in baby loss, grief, life after loss, mental health, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, Mum Blogger, mummy blog, Neonatal Loss, parenting, parenting after loss, Positive Wellbeing

Positive Failure

A while back I shared the struggle I was having with myself. My mental health was taking a right beating and I was finding it hard getting it back to a healthy balance.

It took a while and a complete breakdown for me to realise that I wasn’t failing. I have spent days, weeks, months feeling like I am a failure. Failing at being a mum, a wife and a friend. Basically failing at being a human being. But the truth is I wasn’t failing at all, I was having a hard time and that is okay. Positive failure.

Admitting things arent perfect is okay. It doesn’t mean you aren’t the best person you can be at that particular time.

Since my “breakdown” I’ve felt better. Something in me may have snapped but I’ve found I can make it even stronger. Positive failure.

I’ve made an effort to be calmer, I’ve made an effort to do more things with friends, simple things like talking more but it’s a start and I celebrated my birthday with the most amazing people I could wish for and it reminded me of how lucky I am to have people who care enough to tell me Im not myself.

That was a hard one to hear, I could sense it in myself but no one has ever said it so plainly as someone I have known pretty much my whole life. I’ve spent so long pretending I am okay, smiling as is I’m not broken inside and hoping others accept it that actually I’d forgotten how to show my true feelings when I needed help.

In the past few weeks I really have noticed a huge change in the way I feel. I feel happier, I’m not as stressed out over slight things. Ellie’s tantrums aren’t taking me to breaking point when actually they aren’t that bad and in return Ellie has been happier. We’ve had more good days than bad days and was able to enjoy our half term off as a family. We made memories that I hope I will never forget and my heart is full of complete love and happiness.

I know this feeling may not last as long as I would like, saying Goodbye to a lovely February means saying Hello to March. To a month that starts off so happy with Hubby’s birthday celebrations but once the 4th is over it turns in to a countdown until Jason’s birthday. The day we should be celebrating his 4th birthday and yet a day where I am reminded of everything I gained and lost within moments. The day he died and I had to say goodbye.

Please be mindful that if I seem distant and off, it is not intentional. I am just grieving for the life of my son who I can’t hug and who I miss so much every day. My heart breaks with every memory we make as a family because he will always be missing but I am also grateful we can make these memories with Ellie, she saved me in ways she will never know and I will always try to be better for her. She is the reason I breathe and for her I will try and make March as gentle as I can.

Posted in 2 years old, days out, mental health, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, Mum Blogger, mummy blog, parenting, Positive Wellbeing, telford

Half Term

This first half term of work has been a killer. A new teacher, new routines, it felt like starting a new job, it’s been 7 weeks since we started back after Christmas and it has felt long but things have settled and seeing as I started the year off feeling completely lost and in need of a change, I am back to enjoying my job and feeling worth-while again.

It’s so important for me to be able to have a good work/life balance because when it isn’t balanced my mental health takes a massive hit and I start to feel down in the dumps. I finally feel that my mind is taking a more positive approach to life and I’ve come out of my slump. I am enjoying life again, enjoying work again and not struggling as much to get out of bed in a morning. I’ve really been bothered about this, I am a morning person and if a morning person is struggling to get out of bed there is a problem.

I have been looking forward to this half term for weeks, not only because we have all needed a break and time off together for a while but also because the weather is slowly picking up and I am wanting to do more with Ellie. Nothing too extravagant; some walks, maybe a bit of shopping, trips to the park that sort of thing along with a meal out as I was treated to a Pizza Hut voucher for my birthday so will treat the man and the girl to some unhealthy food. We are planning an afternoon at the cinema for just Luke and I, Ellie wouldn’t sit long enough for a film and we really want to watch The Lego Movie 2 so while Ellie spends a day with my in-laws we will be enjoying that!

The only other thing I am really wanting to fit in this week is a trip to the farm, there are quite a few local farms we could go to so it’s really just based on money and the weather as to which one we decide to head off to. Ellie is fairly good at walking now and that means we don’t need to take the pushchair as long as one of us is willing to carry her a little bit (she’s very lazy!)

Since breaking up, I have already kept up with my want to take Ellie on more walks as the weather was absolutely beautiful and so I dragged her to one of our local National Trust places for a little walk, which turned in to quite a long walk and she did so well. We headed off to look for the deer but they were too far away unfortunately but Ellie wasn’t bothered, she loved having the space to run around and be outside.

Posted in Gifted, Isabella And Us, motherhood, Mum Blogger, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, Positive Wellbeing, product review, Rainbow Mummy, Self Care, telford, zine for mums

Positive Wellbeing – Review (Gifted)

I was overjoyed when I received an email from the wonderful Emma asking me to review her new ‘zine in return for a free copy to read. Mainly because I have followed Isabella & Us since their early days and have loved the products Emma has worked so hard to create. This is a small business I am proud to have made purchases with, Emma is approachable and kind; in the past she has helped contribute to the raffle I did last year to celebrate Jason’s 3rd birthday (more on his 4th birthday plans soon!) by donating her fantastic Mummy cards.

I’m not good at self-care, I find it difficult to MAKE time for myself since Ellie was born; before I would use the playstation to escape and have some “me-time” but that isn’t really an option; I would rather be playing and creating memories than sitting and taking time for me yet I know just how important being able to switch off and take that time is.

Positive Wellbeing Zine For Mums ❤

I knew by reviewing the zine it would give me the perfect excuse to leave Luke in charge and have the time I never allow for myself but am so quick to give Luke and I was definitely NOT disappointed at all.

The Positive Wellbeing ‘Zine for Mums does exactly what Emma envisaged, it promotes positivity in a world that can be extremely hard for new mums, actually on all mums! We are constantly filled with guilt and doubt over whether we are doing the best. This magazine takes away the negativity and reminds you that you are not alone in your journey. Following Emma for such a long time I admire her ability to share not only her own motherhood journey but also raises awareness of maternal mental health through her #winningasamummy campaign which can be seen throughout her website and social media accounts.

Emma doesn’t just use the ‘zine to promote her own business, she supports other small independent businesses that offer support and services to parents or children. Issue 2 is full of positive self-care ideas, affirmations and the best illustrations from such artists like Sketchy Mama and Helene The Illustrator.


“Stop. Breathe and Remember how far you’ve come.”



It is compact (A5) and is the perfect size to fit in your handbag, changing bag, glove compartment, drawer…anywhere you might find yourself craving 5 minutes of self-care or even when the little ones evidently fall asleep in the car (don’t they always?) and you just want something to read. It uplifts your mood which as a parent will take a beating from time to time; you are not alone in these times!

Social media can be great but it can also makes us feel very alone in our dark times; life is not perfect but people only ever feel like they can share the perfect times; I always try to share the good, the bad and the truly magical moments of being a parent and there is always lots to tell. Emma too is very open and honest which I love and that shows throughout the zine. Her passion for being Isabella’s mummy shines throughout!

Compact and ideal for times where you just want 5 minutes to yourself.

I would encourage anyone to purchase this little bit of self-care or even gift one to a new mum so they don’t feel like they are in this motherhood journey alone.

You can purchase the zine here

or follow Isabella and Us on social media!
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#WinningAsAMummy Self-Care on a Friday Night ❤

For anyone wanting to purchase from Isabella & Us then feel free to use my exclusive discount code for 15% off til the end of MAY!
Just quote AMY when checking out!