Seven years since I last held you.Seven years since I saw those tiny little hands.Seven years since I had to say Goodbye.Seven years of missing you.Seven years of hurting.Seven years of what ifs.Seven years of why me.I can't imagine our lives with a 7 year old. I guess that's what hurts the most; that we… Continue reading Seven
Tag: baby loss
Breaking the Silence at Christmas
I am 1 in 4. I found out I was pregnant with my first child in August 2014, it was a complete surprise but one my husband and I were so very excited about. We hadn’t been trying, it just happened and honestly I had a very easy pregnancy; no morning sickness, no cravings and… Continue reading Breaking the Silence at Christmas
Baby Loss Awareness Week 2020
For 5 years I have supported BLAW, or tried to. I have a habit of getting very overwhelmed with the things others do to raise awareness and end up feeling like I haven't done enough, like once again I've failed Jason for not doing "more" and I end up giving up and really only remembering… Continue reading Baby Loss Awareness Week 2020
Empty Door
Our door remains empty, on the first day of school.No awkward photographs.No fussing over a clean uniform.The first day of school but you are missing. The first day of school. Jason should be starting Reception this year. I should be rushing around buying his new shoes, the uniform I had forgotten about and preparing him… Continue reading Empty Door
Day of Hope
One definition of Hope: to want something to happen or to be true, and usually have a good reason to think that it might 19th August in the baby loss community is A Day of Hope. A day to remember all those babies and children who died. A day where people are encouraged to break… Continue reading Day of Hope
Photographs
Ever since I was a teen I've loved taking pictures, I was always hiding in my bedroom trying to find new ways to take "the best selfie" or posing in some way. Yet actually, I hate having my picture taken, I get awkward and self-conscious and always feel like a whale. I remember when Luke… Continue reading Photographs
Father’s Day
First of all I want to wish all the fathers out there a happy fathers day. I have always known how lucky I am to have a Dad who has always put our family first; a dad who has always been my hero; a dad who taught me to be proud of myself; a dad… Continue reading Father’s Day
Primary School Offer Day
In an ideal world I'd have been one of those nervous parents waiting to find out what school my boy had gotten in to. In an ideal world he'd have been accepted to the primary school where I work! In an ideal world I'd already have his uniform, or parts of it in preparation and… Continue reading Primary School Offer Day
Always One Missing
Wow, as always, the final few days of March were horrendous. I have said for a while now that for me, the build up to an anniversary is always harder than the day. This has been the case for all of Jason's birthdays. I find the days leading to his birth/death hit me far harder… Continue reading Always One Missing
27th March
I can't help but wonder whether that day was when everything started going wrong. Illness had struck, I worked in a nursery at the time and the sickness bug had hit the kids. The day I was due to finish for my maternity I ended up having off as I was being sick and I… Continue reading 27th March
Mothering A Rainbow 