In an ideal world I'd have been one of those nervous parents waiting to find out what school my boy had gotten in to. In an ideal world he'd have been accepted to the primary school where I work! In an ideal world I'd already have his uniform, or parts of it in preparation and… Continue reading Primary School Offer Day
I can't help but wonder whether that day was when everything started going wrong. Illness had struck, I worked in a nursery at the time and the sickness bug had hit the kids. The day I was due to finish for my maternity I ended up having off as I was being sick and I… Continue reading 27th March
Goodbye February, this month has been a mixed month. I started off feeling very low and depressed and finished the month off feeling grateful and full of love. As a family we have made so many memories and spent a whole week together having lots of fun. With the end of February comes March, a… Continue reading Goodbye February
Do you ever feel like the world is spinning so fast and you start to feel so dizzy and there's no way of slowly it down? As much as I am putting in to life and being present, my own mental health is taking a huge bashing. I am constantly worried about everyone else, about… Continue reading Breakdown
Throughout October we remember: All the babies born sleeping. Those we've carried but never met. Those we've held but could not take home. The ones that came home but could not stay. Help break the silence. Help remember our Angels. October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and on the 15th the whole… Continue reading Miles In Memory
Celebrations are a funny thing when grieving. Sometimes they are filled with dread, a birthday, a due date, the anniversary of the death. Even happier times can be dreaded, holidays without that person, anniversaries etc. Our Anniversary wasn't dreaded, for the first time ever we were looking forward to our anniversary. Something we haven't had… Continue reading Celebrations.
I've been quiet for the past few days, I haven't really known what to write or how I'm feeling. Since the release of the Pokemon Go app i've felt like myself again. The old me. Not the me who has had a baby and cremated her baby but the childish girl who loved Pokemon growing… Continue reading Pokemon Go…
Tomorrow is our 23 week midwife appointment and tonight I'm really concerned about it. We have the same midwife with our little girl as I did with Jason and lets face it, she didn't pick up on anything with him then so why will this time be any different? Jason was measuring small throughout my… Continue reading Uncertainty.
I've always been a believer of spiritualism and what it contains however I've never really thought of it as a religion as I don't believe in a God or anything like that. Yet spiritualism has been helpful for me in my grief... Since losing Jason, I made it a habit to go one every fortnight… Continue reading Spiritualism…
Yesterday I found myself sat alone, in our spare room (hopefully soon to be Baby Bean's room) on the floor crying. I was still crying when Hubby got home from work. I hated feeling so vulnerable, especially after i'd had such a lovely day resting. There was no need for me to suddenly feel so… Continue reading Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?