In exactly 77 days Jason would have been 4 years old and I have lived 1386 days without him.
This seems bizarre as the day he was born I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to live without him. I had spent 35 weeks awaiting his arrival, getting to know his little nudges and feeling a love I had never felt before. The day he was born was one of the happiest and THE worst day of my life; I couldn’t comprehend making it to the next day and couldn’t imagine any future. Yet here I am, managing to live a somewhat “normal” life as a wife and a mother.
Jason’s birthday never seems to get any easier and I don’t suppose it ever will but I always try to focus on something for him, I do something in his memory and to raise awareness that stillbirth/neonatal/child loss happens and it happens to people who don’t deserve it and it happens to more people than society likes to admit to.
To celebrate Jason’s life on his 4th birthday I have decided to purchase books that will help support other local families who are in a similar situation to us; families who have suffered the same fate but aren’t as far down the line as we are; families who will feel exactly as we did 4 years ago, alone, distraught and unable to comprehend what tomorrow will bring. These families deserve to be given all the information they can, which sadly we weren’t.
When Jason was born our local bereavement support worker was on holiday (it’s totally allowed!) but that meant nobody was able to support us, we were sent home with nothing, no baby and no memory box. Just us two trying to figure out what we could have possibly done wrong in our lives for this to happen. During the past 4 years I have found so much information and talked to so many other parents who have supported me in ways I never thought was possible, they themselves have written books, attended seminars and universities to raise awareness of baby loss but also to help medical professionals feel comfortable supporting families like mine.
I want this kind of treatment to be available at my local hospital, I want families to feel like they are not alone and this is more common than they think (although I wish more that this didn’t happen at all!!) and so with that I am hoping to purchase some books that have been written with families, parents, siblings in mind and donate them to our local hospital through our bereavement support worker.
There are so many books I am looking at buying already but unfortunately I am not able to do it on my own which is why I have set up a crowdfunding page. For anyone wishing to help me I will include the link to the page below.h