Posted in baby loss


I havent slept properly in weeks. E is 6 and half months and her sleep seems like a newborn again. She falls asleep well to start with but then shes up every 2 hours. 

This morning she decided 2am was play time even though shes yawning, yesterday play time was at 3:30. She usually wakes up at 4 to have a cuddle and i can cope with that but right now I am exhausted. I know that babies dont sleep through the night, im fine with the night feeds but when you are woken up at least 5 times in the space of 7 hours it is tiring. 

Add this to the fact that my husband seems to think im not coping because he only sees the night time tiredness, he doesnt see the fun we have in the day and he doesnt get why I am so tired because he wakes up too.

I want to be a better mum, I want to give Ellie all the things she deserves and I want to prove to everyone that I am coping and I am trying to be a good mum. 

So right now we are downstairs because Ellie is keeping hubby awake which isnt fair when hes got work in a few hours. I am so worried that this is still going to be the case when im back at work. I am worried that when im back at work im going to be having less rest in the day and less sleep at night. Im worried that im a terrible mother because my 6 month old doesnt sleep well. 

My 3am ramblings probably dont make any sense whatsoever.


Wife & Mum of 2; Jason born and died 29/03/15 and Ellie born 01/11/16. Hoping to break the silence around baby loss and the journey of parenting a rainbow baby one blog post at a time.

4 thoughts on “Sleep?

  1. Oh momma. Landon was this way. He was AWFUL. He Never slept through the night until he was 3. He would wake up every single night, multiple times. It makes you crazy because you have no sleep (or broken sleep which is totally worse!!) and you are stressed from that, and tired, and grieving on top of everything else.

    You are fantastic. You are an amazing momma to Ellie!!! She will get her butt in gear soon, I hope for your sake 🙂 you’re doing a great job. Xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I definitely feel like a crazy person! I hope Alden is a better sleeper for you although I know you don’t care whether she is or she isn’t because she is here ❤
      Thank you lovely Mama! Sometimes all you need is to hear that you are doing enough 🙂 xxx

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Just so you know Isabella is 6 months old too and has NEVER slept through the night! Maybe a 5 hour stretch at most but not often. She still eats multiple times a night too. I read a book about developmental milestones and usually when babies are learning new things their sleep gets messed up, they can be crankier etc Maybe she is just going through a milestone! I had to stop reading on Mommy sites because you tend to put expectations on yourself and your child and it’s was not healthy for me. Please know you are an amazing Mommy!! I know it’s hard when you are sleep deprived but you really are!! Give yourself a break and hopefully your husband will understand. Like Randi said, this is hard enough under normal circumstances but when you are grieving it makes it more difficult. Sending you love my friend ❤️

    1. Poor you! Sleep deprivation really is a killer. Funnily enough Ellie has started to commando crawl around the floor which I think may have been part of the sleep issue however I think until she is properly crawling we will still get woken up repeatedly haha. xxx


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