Posted in life after loss, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, rainbow baby, telford, Uncategorized

Surviving the three C’s



· Crying


I have always been concerned that Ellies speech was delayed slightly. It took her a while to say mama or dada to the right person and she didnt really babble. I mentioned my concerns at Ellies health review at 15 months but HV was quite pleased with her speech she told me not to worry.

Suddenly I feel like all my worries were nothing, Ellie doesnt stop talking and babbling. She seems to have a new word all the time and is fond of telling us the animal noises she knows which amazes me. I just love her noises for elephant, lion, cat, dog, owl, monkey and pig! She still refuses to say hi or bye but certainly knows how to tell us when she wants food or “cisps”. Her understanding is much more developed too. For a toddler at nearly 19 months to understand “sit” and “lets tidy up first” when you work with 5 year olds who dont understand those concepts amazes me!


Lately I feel as if Ellie is more clingy than ever. Actually this is a lie as she has always been a very clingy baby. As a newborn she wouldn’t sleep unless she was nestled on either me or hubby. She refused her moses basket and would only sleep in it when it wasnt in the stand so she slept on the floor by our bed and even then it wasnt for long before she was awake for her feeds. When she outgrew her moses basket we had her cot in our room but again she rarely slept in it, maybe an hour or so at night and then she would need cuddles to get her back to sleep. It was tedius but it meant she slept in there and rarely needed to cosleep. As she got more aware she refused her cot and would only sleep with us near her. Ellie has always been good at going to sleep on her own but has never been able to self settle without one of us there. Even now at 1 and half years old, one of us needs to sit beside her bed until she is fully asleep otherwise she wakes instantly and cries until you take the position beside her again.

I have found as she has gotten older, she has become more clingy. She doesnt seem to spend any time alone; she follows me everywhere and is never satisfied being on her own. She doesn’t like to play on her own for very long and craves attention. All of this is part of being a toddler I know yet part of me knows it is my own doing in that I have made her this clingy as I know I need her more than she will ever know.


For the majority Ellie is not a crier. She never has been really, as a newborn she would only cry if needed and when she started walking she didnt cry when she would fall down or hurt herself unless it was a bad fall.

However it appears that we are hitting the “terrible twos” a few months early as recently Ellie cries ay everything. She cries in the night even when we cosleep or she cries when she isnt being held in the day. Her tantrums are much worse and as well as crying we have hit the hitting/throwing her body against anything phase too. 

I realise the title of this blog post is “surviving” however if you have stumbled upon this looking for answers unfortunately i dont have them. Sorry!

What i do have is the knowledge that parenting can feel like a battle and everyone feels like they are just surviving at times too. I struggle so much to accept I am not a bad mama for finding parenting difficult and that for 99% of us (theres always one who wont admit it!) there are times where we feel like we are failing as parents and its okay to accept and admit it too.



Wife & Mum of 2; Jason born and died 29/03/15 and Ellie born 01/11/16. Hoping to break the silence around baby loss and the journey of parenting a rainbow baby one blog post at a time.

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