baby loss · Uncategorized

I never wanted to wear these shoes…

Welcome to my first blog post.

I thought it was only fair to tell you a bit about myself, the writer, before I indulge you deep in to the story of how my life got turned upside down.

My name is Amy, I am 25 and live in Shropshire, England. I am a daughter, big sister, wife, friend, cousin, acquaintance and most recently mum. I got married in August 2014 after being with my husband for 8 years and this August we will have been together for 10 amazingly wonderful years, he is my rock and I am lucky to have him by my side. As soon as we got married I found out I was pregnant with our first child. I had only come off the pill 2 months previous and we hadn’t planned on actually trying for a baby until after our wedding, however our first had other plans and was actually already starting to take form on my wedding day. He made sure he was there to see his mummy and daddy tie the knot finally!

I’ve had a good life, my childhood was a happy one, with a loving family around me. I have grown up with a little brother who has Downs Syndrome and it has meant I have become a very strong person. He has shown me that although life can be wonderful it can also be cruel, brutal sometimes and he helped me become the person I am today. I spent my childhood looking after him, protecting him. Making sure that no harm will ever come to him while I am around. My brother, Zack (as i’m sure you’ll read lots about him in upcoming posts) has a wonderful way of thinking, of living his life to the full and making every day count. He doesn’t give up and he is such an inspiration to everyone who knows him. He makes me a very proud big sister.

When I met my husband, my brother had a huge influence on whether I pursued a relationship with this man. You see I was 15 years old and I had a Myspace account. I added a man from my town who was interested in similar music to me and we seemed to have a lot in common, we started talking regularly and quickly became friends. I would talk to him every day without fail. A few months later we decided to meet up with friends and see what would happen. To this day I do NOT condone meeting a stranger online however if I hadn’t have been so stupid myself I might not have ever met my soul mate and became his wife. We were going out for about 6 months (in secret) before I had mentioned him to my family, he was my first boyfriend and I was scared of what they would think of me dating someone older than me but I was ready to face that and deal with whatever consequences that meant. It so happened my family were welcoming and lovely however if Zack had not liked anyone I brought home they wouldn’t be around too long! Him and Zack hit it off straight away and I soon realised I was the third-wheel in our relationship. Even 10 years later, my husband and my brother have a fantastic relationship and again, I know I am lucky to find a man who would take on a brother with Down Syndrome as well as mine has ❤

3 weeks after our wedding I found out we were expecting a baby. It was completely a shock and I remember hubby having to swig some whiskey straight from the bottle as it was so soon. Our wedding day quickly became a haze while we prepared for our little player 3. On 29th March 2015, our special boy was born and unfortunately also died that day.

The day, I became a mum. The day I became a bereaved mum.
The happiest and the worst day of my whole life.
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A x

 

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