I think as a parent of any child watching someone stab them with a needle and make them cry really tugs at your heartstrings but when you are a “loss mama” this situation can bring up so many triggers to your own grief. I am fortunate enough that I never saw Jason in pain (if that is really fortunate or not I am still figuring out) but I know some loss mums who had to endure seeing their children go through this pain and still the worst happened. It sucks.
The first three sets of injections babies have are nothing compared to the 12 month ones and nobody prepares you for them. Ellie took her first lot of injections like a champ, of cause she cried but a bit of soothing and she was fine, which meant I was fine. She wasmt old enough to comprehend what was happening and it was all forgotten.
Saturdays jabs were horrific. She wailed. I wanted to cry. My stone cold heart wanting to make it all better by cradling her in my arms. The nurse was good and explained what would happen, 4 injections which I knew about and had prepared myself for. However I had no prepared for the fact that she would stab Ellie in all four limbs!! This is brutal for a baby, we all know our arms become heavy and achy after a needle so imagine both arms and legs feeling like this. Ellie was not happy and by the fourth jab she had had enough and tried to stop the nurse by moving her leg. This has resulted in a nice big red mark at the top of her leg and a Mummy who feels so bad for forcing her to have injections that will stop her from being very poorly. Bad Parenting over here. Our weekend then contained lots of cuddles, lots of attention and lots of playing for us all and I am going in to this week feeling more tired than I was before.
Isnt Mum guilt just the worst?