Posted in baby loss, baby loss awareness, Christmas, grief, life after loss, motherhood, mothering a rainbow, mummy blog, parenting, parenting after loss, rainbow baby, telford, Uncategorized


What a whirlwind December has been. So much has been going on that I haven’t been able to find the time to sit down and blog and I so badly wanted to keep up to date with #AdventForJason on here as well as on Instagram. Unfortunately life has got in the way but I promise I will do a big write up about #adventtoremember as soon as I am able to.

It also doesnt help that the app takes up room on my phone and wont update as I have no room left. I really hope “Santa” has listened to my plea for a tablet this year.

I am so grateful that I am in a job where I finish work a week before Christmas and am able to try and catch up on things before the big day. I synpathise so much with those who work in retail as people are so grumpy this time of year. It does mean that we’ve been able to spend time doing festive things as a family which has also been nice.

December has also welcomed a (not so) lovely cough to our house which has knocked Ellie off her socks. She is restless and Im not sure I know what a full nights sleep is any more. We have coslept for roughly 3 weeks now and it is killing me. Ellie isn’t a restful sleeper, she tosses around constantly and wakes up crying at least twice. At some point in the night I find myself either hanging off our bed or with her head resting in my neck, either way its not comfortable. Ill be so happy when her cough has gone and she settles again. In saying that she has actually been in her cot for 2 hours so far and hasnt woken up coughing so im hoping it continues so we all get some rest.

We’ve also had to stop Ellie having soya milk which sucks! I had been giving her the Alpro Growing Up milk since her first birthday as I have been concerned she isn’t getting enough calcium. We noticed some of her cmpi symptoms were showing again after a few weeks (initially I thought it was from the tummy bug she had). Since putting her back on formula she has been so much better again. I just wish our GP would see her and give us some advice however Google and other CMPI BLOGS have been a lifeline! One day I will try and post a few of them for others who may need them.

With the countdown officially in single digits and Christmas Day being just days away I am expecting things to be more hectic than they already are. This year is Ellie’s second christmas and she is more aware of everything but with that brings our third christmas without Jason which breaks my heart all over again. These celebrations don’t get any easier with time. I have found taking part in Advent to remember has helped me include Jason so much more than I thought I would be able to manage and has given me a heart full of pride at sharing his story and his name with strangers.

Tomorrow we are off to Attingham Park in Shrewsbury, Shropshire and are taking the little madam to see Santa! Our first meeting on the Polar Express (something else I want to write about) didnt bring a smile so im not hoping for much but it will be a wonderful family experience. I just wish Jason was here too.

For now Im going to apologise again for the silence and tell you I probably wont be writing again before christmas but hopefully get a few posts in before New Year.

From our (slightly broken)family of 4 to you and your family I wish you a very happy Christmas. I hope it is as gentle as needed and everyone is able to find some Joy in the season ❤


Wife & Mum of 2; Jason born and died 29/03/15 and Ellie born 01/11/16. Hoping to break the silence around baby loss and the journey of parenting a rainbow baby one blog post at a time.

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